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Double Trouble

This is something that bothers me more than my feminist belief that women should feel safe in every outfit, but still dress appropriately because ew.

The Double Date

Forget the double date. Reasons you should not ask for a double date:

  1. You’re new in a relationship and want to solidify your spot as “the girlfriend/boyfriend.” That doesn’t make sense you say, but (sadly) it really does. Your boyfriend has a best friend and that best friend has a girlfriend. To lengthen the relationship (and the torture of the break-up), you become friends with the best friend’s girlfriend. If you two are now besties, then you are now “the girlfriend” and your boyfriend feels even more compelled to stay together for the sake of some friendship thing.
  2. You want your significant other to have a friend (for you and not really for him/her). Why, why, why? Why would you want to do that? Because you don’t like his friends. Because his friends are annoying. Because you want “couple friends” (friends you like). Because you want to be around your friends more. Because he doesn’t have friends.
  3. You’re asking your date to be cool with people that he/she doesn’t know, which is great for anxiety. Not so much to say about that because it is really the best way to make people uncomfortable. It’s like taking someone to meet your family for the first time —but not your family. It’s that awkward and uncomfortable because it isn’t just the friend, it’s some random person they are dating.
  4. You are a flavor of the month subscriber. I know it isn’t nice, but if you have not had been dating very long (more than a year) then don’t do it. If you are going through men or women like crazy, then double dating is not cool. You are dooming yourself by meeting a couple that is better off or worse off than you: better off means your date will wonder where you two are/are going and worse off means your date will wonder what you expect with friends like that.
  5. Differing tastes of the severe kind. Going out with your button-downed cardigan girlfriend to have sushi with your bestie that likes to hang women from pipes with handcuffs is not the best idea —that is a great way to break up if you are in a rush to do it. (Seriously, just whip out the weird stuff and they are gone).

Having been on the date and a half circuit for a while, let me say that #2 may be the worst. It’s selfish and really makes the significant other feel bad and not interesting. I dated a guy who always wanted his friends with us —there was no date night because every night it was the three of us. It made me angry all the time, and it was worse because conversation could not exist. It was two guys talking all the time and I was just there… just there and not really able to talk. Can’t jump in. Can’t say anything.


One of my best friends, liz, made this cake for the finale of my #mario adventure. She did such an awesome job on my #thefaultinourstars cake! It was so yummy. #birthday #johngreen #cake #adventure #friends #blessed

I searched for the cake just under John Green and it was on the first page of John Green stuff. Yes! Baking victory.
Oh, right. That’s my little baked cake. We’re celebrating a night of unprotected sex 23 years ago by two people who decided to make a good friend of mine. We’re celebrating not dying. We’re celebrating the whole graduation situation that is upon us. All of that symbolized by the delightful John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars cover on her cake.
I could probably ramble about some deeper meaning of life, survival, and all that —but I won’t. I’ll just say that it was a good deal of sugar and time. It was delicious and totally worth it. I might regret now the insane amount of time it took to make her actual birthday present: a knitted scarf with the quote, “I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity” made out of crocheted letters.
Also, I lost two very good opportunities to rail against social injustice tonight because sometimes being joyful is better than being self-righteous. Make the world a better place today, so I can change it tomorrow I guess. Maybe, at the end of the day I won’t even be able to fix it, but at least I can still bake cakes. That has to count for something. Here’s hoping Carli enjoys her 23rd birthday and (in a month and a half) graduation.


One of my best friends, liz, made this cake for the finale of my #mario adventure. She did such an awesome job on my #thefaultinourstars cake! It was so yummy. #birthday #johngreen #cake #adventure #friends #blessed

I searched for the cake just under John Green and it was on the first page of John Green stuff. Yes! Baking victory.

Oh, right. That’s my little baked cake. We’re celebrating a night of unprotected sex 23 years ago by two people who decided to make a good friend of mine. We’re celebrating not dying. We’re celebrating the whole graduation situation that is upon us. All of that symbolized by the delightful John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars cover on her cake.

I could probably ramble about some deeper meaning of life, survival, and all that —but I won’t. I’ll just say that it was a good deal of sugar and time. It was delicious and totally worth it. I might regret now the insane amount of time it took to make her actual birthday present: a knitted scarf with the quote, “I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity” made out of crocheted letters.

Also, I lost two very good opportunities to rail against social injustice tonight because sometimes being joyful is better than being self-righteous. Make the world a better place today, so I can change it tomorrow I guess. Maybe, at the end of the day I won’t even be able to fix it, but at least I can still bake cakes. That has to count for something. Here’s hoping Carli enjoys her 23rd birthday and (in a month and a half) graduation.

Deus ex Machina: A Love Story

According to the all reliable google, the definition of a deus ex machina is as follows:

an unexpected power or event saving a seemingly hopeless situation, esp. as a contrived plot device in a play or novel.

That sounds like something absurd or ridiculous, but I think it has its place in reality. Just to clarify, I think that the “god from the machine” that acts to “fix” things is one that already exists in the universe. Thinking about Lord of the Flies, it becomes relatively easy to just trivialize it as a necessary ending when the children are saved. It is not a matter of saving the characters that people like (obviously not Piggy) or saving the book before it gets too dark. The ship was destined to come save those children to show the poignancy of how easy it is to destroy the construct of civilization. That means even the bad guys get out and the some of the good guys die because that’s life; it isn’t someone riding down on a unicorn to take everyone back home to Disneyland. 

So, too, in my life is a deus ex machina. The way that my world has progressed thus far and linearly, one could just make the very simple assertion that I would die alone with my animals (probably the dog since she loves me more than the cat). I don’t really like women —yes, I like empowering women, but real women irritate me. I don’t really like men: it’s the smugness, the penis, the whole struggle between men and women in general, and I’m not too keen on the fact that they average out taller than women. All of that to say that I’m not a terribly friendly person, and I don’t really care to be kind to people because people make chafe me. With all of my bristles and my inclination to avoid relationships at almost all costs, I have somehow been in one and not insane for a good while. Well, a long time just to say.

That has to be a deus ex machina. Well, he has to be the deus ex machina in my story. Somehow I’ve managed to find a person so chill that even when I am completely insane, he just nods and shrugs about our next pizza order. And I do love pizza. That is magical. That is some outside force that acted on my hopeless situation of a love life (not that I was unhappy or anything, but it was pretty bleak). Full perspective here: I wrote in my high school senior scrapbook that I was in a long-term relationship with my dog (and possibly my favorite pair of sneakers) —both of which I have had about the same amount of time. Now, do love my sneakers, but that says something about a person who can type that up with their current significant other watching them. I mean, I basically said, “My sixth grade sneakers have a better chance of staying with me forever than you do.” Of course, that did turn out to be true. I still have the sneakers and I hardly speak to the scrapbook fellow.

My point in all that was to say it was a pretty cold thing for me to do that, and I still really don’t regret because I am the way I am. I’m a little hopeless, so it took something magical to change that. I’ve had a lifetime of Nora Ephron, Jane Austen, and perhaps most damaging William Goldman’s The Princess Bride. If all of those situations were couples, I had never been part of a couple. Don’t get all gushy, though. I think what I have is magical in the sense that it is much closer to Miracle Max and Valerie. I’m not entirely sure what caused the outside force to collide with my life, but things happen like that. A ship sails by at the right moment. Two people decide that being alone is awesome and then start to be alone together. It’s just the way things get thrown together.

I suppose that amidst all of my “hopelessness” that I have been saved after all. I’m far less cynical and apparently a bit nicer than I was before. People thank my deus ex machina for making me less bitter and mean. I think that is a type of saving of someone.

What do you do with a B.A. in English ( and a Minor in Mathematics)

Well, you study library science. That’s the plan anyway. People always ask what my major is and they naturally respond with a confused face when I say, “English.” I’ve studied Milton extensively, written at least one good novel, published my poetry in a cute little magazine of which I am now the Editor, and sometimes I write “ok” articles for our newspaper. Logically, considering everything that I have done and all that I do now, it would stand to reason that I would get my PhD in literature of some specialized area. I’ve got one of the steps out of the way, learning the two languages needed to get the PhD. I took French, (begrudgingly) Spanish, I’m currently studying koine Greek (and hopefully ancient after that), and over the summer I will begin my first year of Latin.

I’m not going to be a linguist, but I could do that. I’m not going to continue with my Mathematics, thought that would be very enjoyable. No, I’ll progress in probably the best direction of my life that I have ever headed toward. Library school seems like the true north for me. I mean the very real true north, not magnetic or any of those other norths. I’ve never quite understood why people think that I would be selling myself short by becoming a librarian. What sort of librarians did they have when they were in college? It is more than shushing. It is a legitimate growing science handled not by scientists, but by people who are willing to tackle the beast —the library. It is a career for the hopelessly hopeful because everyday one must wake up and accept that the battle will be lost. We will gather information and try not to let things fall through the cracks, but things will fall through because that is the way of the world. No one can tell me that this sort of pessimistic optimism is not made for me.

Yes, I am certainly intelligent. I have wonderful capabilities, but they are not wasted in the library. Every library is like its own intellectual microcosm. Libraries may be the only place where someone with so much spread out information will ever be able to be really useful. I can’t imagine another place where Kierkegaard and coitus incompletus can coexist within the same conversation logically and helpfully. It’s about helping the people who need helping, and that is all about knowing how to be where you need to be. If I were in a Mathematics or Science library (fingers crossed), wouldn’t I be more helpful than existing as some far off professor or writer or mathematician? Sure, I adore Petr Beckmann and Mario Livio, but those are not touchable, “real” people. A librarian is. And who is going to be the one selecting Livio for the collection or telling first year Engineering students that public domain is their best friend when it comes to Newton? That’s going to be me in about two and a half years. I’ll be out there making a real difference in the world by helping university students like myself figure out their life through the lens of academia. Because it is what I can personally “be good at.”

Go to the Mattresses

You’re at war. “It’s not personal, it’s business. It’s not personal it’s business.” Recite that to yourself every time you feel you’re losing your nerve. I know you worry about being brave, this is your chance. Fight. Fight to the death.      -Joe Fox, You’ve Got Mail

Sometimes it is hard being following the rules when so many people don’t or won’t. It’s a thankless job and I try everyday at it. I was thinking about this today in respect to some conforntational things I will probably have to face (again) soon. I try to fight for the right thing, which is hard with a community of people who do what they want. So many people here feel like they are real adults, but behave (and dress) like children. These are things I wouldn’t do. I actively try to portray the right image, however clumsily. Unfortunately, there is littel respect for those who strive to do the right in a sea of wrongs. So, I’m going to say what I’ve been thinking because no one can tell me not to here:

#1 Tights are NOT pants.

No, they are not pants. Woe to those who think they are and attempt to wear these to work one day. If you don’t think that employers send home improperly attired workers, you’re wrong. You might even get a written citation that can go toward getting you fired. Which many people think means an unemployment check, but reading the fine print indicates otherwise. If you’re fired and it is already cited with warnings for inappropriate behavior or dress, you get nothing. Except the actual title “unemployed” and a mark on your resume that states you were “fired.”

#2 People DO judge your professional appearance in job interviews.

Seriously, yes they do. Tell me that you think it is ok to wear that “totally cute” dress instead of a suit or slacks and then tell me the turnout for five or six interviews in the business field. If you can’t be bothered to look appropriate with someone who will one day write your paycheck, with whom can you? Good rule of thumb (colors aside): if you would be chastised for wearing it to a funeral, it’s probably not ok for an interview.

#3 Confrontation gets you nowhere with me.

No. Just no. It doesn’t get you anywhere with most people, except on a list of people not to talk to, trust, or recommend. I was confronted by a few people this week and none of them had positive confrontations —or purposeful. All nasty, brutishness that I just refuse to tolerate. Unless someone starts abusing a substance or going crazy, confrontation is usually the last thing you should do to get anything from them. Want information, but you confront them? Nope. Want an apology or an explanation, you confront them? Nope.

#4 Honesty is the only policy.

Don’t lie to yourself. Don’t lie to your boss, but definitely not to yourself especially. If you know you were wrong, just admit you were and move on. I don’t personally care what your political statement is behind confronting someone just doing their job (like a staff/faculty member), but lying shoudln’t be in that. Prime example: I fell asleep before reading one of the sections for one of my classes and I just admitted it when prompted. No drama, just honesty. Do you think that my professor holds a grudge for it? Probably not. Doing poorly in your classes and blaming the teacher is just another form of lying to yourself. Did you really study every night? Did you do everything you could to prepare? Was your attendance on par? Most people struggling can blame themselves, but refuse to. Why do I suck at greek prepositions? Because I probably need to study them more in my translations.

#5 If you know you have to live by communal rules, at least bother to read them.

This is something else that I’ve encountered. If your apartment complex has a no pet policy, but you never bother to read the rules before adopting a puppy, who is at fault? Yeah, laziness in regard to policies is a big part of why people have problems at institutions. I don’t know what students think when they attend college (anywhere), but if you break the rules then you deal with the consequences regardless of your knowledge of them or not. “Ignorance is no excuse for the law” is pretty much held up everywhere. Read handbooks. Read regulations. Nasty surprised later will not make you thankful for early laziness.

I’m a little Platonic in my view that the community should come before the individual, so … When there is a standard agreement that the community will turn in all transgressors, but there is a fear of persecution —anonymity is the safety device for that. This was something promised when I was a freshman. The loss of that safety measure has degraded the ability to report transgressors, especially violent ones. The “retaliation” policy deals with things after the fact —as in after you have considered leaving the now unsafe college environment. Anonymity never did that, and I just feel for the people who get caught up in the battle between them because there seems to be an apathy on the part of those in power.

Not that it matters. Peer counsels are being phased here out anyway. Why have accountability, when one can just handle things the way one wants?

So, I’m stating now that in my position I will not accept any more of this garbage. This drama. These excuses. I’m holding up acountability and I’m taking it to the mattresses. I will do everything in my power to try to mend some broken systems as I go (inside and outside college life).

You’re Doing It Wrong…

… Because Society Won’t Let You Do It Right.

So, this is just going to be a list of a few biological things that I don’t understand as I ramp myself up for Dr. Christopher Ryan’s Civilized to Death. Obviously, I’m excited after listening to him talk about his other book  (which I also want to read) with Sandra Dougherty on So, yeah…

#1 Why my friend fails at relationships (or is just really sneaky):

I have a friend (isn’t this how this always begins, except this is really my friend) who has a problem. You see, he is terrible at monogamy, but is incredibly “monogamous.” See, the irony there? Anyway, as I listened to Ms. Sex Nerd Sandra I learned a term for this and a solution to his problems that would never work with women —at least not the ones he dates. He is socially monogamous, but again not so good at it. I feel bad for someone who has perpetually cheated for about 5 years and has no way of fixing it … Actually, I feel bad for the girls who date him because he doesn’t even slip in a little warning to them. But my point today is biology. He shouldn’t have to warn them that he will be attracted to other females because naturally it just happens. Like I shouldn’t warn someone I like my fries without ketchup; it’s a superfluous thing. We are the way we are biologically. That said, these girls should already know he is attracted to other girls because of their own attraction toward other men, but they need to be told of the level of action there. That is where the solution (which won’t work for him) comes in: open relationship*. You have to tell people stuff like that because we aren’t allowed to just act the way our species indicates we should.

#2 Monogamy does NOT work for everyone.

But it might for for you. If you are thinking, I’m super monogamous; then step back a moment on that. For most people, this logic should be like whoa. Think about the first person EVER you dated or sort of dated —now picture yourself still with that person and married for life because you believe you’re super monogamous. That is ridiculous. I didn’t say first love or anything. I said first date ever. That is terrifying. Biologically, we can have connections with people around us for long periods of time and not be connected to them so tightly as 21st century romance deems necessary. Think about the city you live in as one tribe and you all live together to build each other up as one big loving group of people (not a family). There is no reason to believe you would only ever feel romantically inclined to one person forever. That’s why people fight so often. They fight biology.  Now… That said, you can totally be with one person for a long time and be happy. It happens. Is it statistically likely? No. It does and can happen. Just don’t expect it with every relationship because that is unrealistic pressure.

#3 Homosexuality is mathematically sound…

…when it comes to reproduction. Think about people who are trying to have a baby: how often are they copulating and not producing a child? It’s a lot. Just a lot. Or over several months how often? Everyday people who practice heterosexual sex who don’t want kids are pretty much in the same statistical siding as those practicing homosexual sex. Same fish if you will, different scales —same fish. Homosexual sex will produce a child 0% of the time; heterosexual sex will produce (for those wanting) about 0.1%. Those numbers are not so different when put in the ratio to acts to conceptions —things always look diffused around numbers. So, unless you are an anomaly and conceive every time you copulate, there is really no place for people to say homosexuality is unnatural because it can’t produce children. It doesn’t really threaten anything either. If that were the case, then you could say all promiscuous people everywhere were a threat to baby-making (sense they neither make, nor want them).

#4 Saying people bone like animals really doesn’t insult who you think it does.

Believing that copulating only for the sake of conceiving is what it’s all about, right? I’m sure everyone has heard some religious person say that hedonists hump like animals or some derivation of that. Back to numbers here, there are really only a few (like less than a handful) animals that mate for pleasure (we’re in the handful). That’s probably less that 1% when you look at it that way. Which means, the majority of animals mate to reproduce. Almost solely to do so. So, when you say “hump like gorillas” (might be from Bridget Jones), you really only insult those people who are having sex to make children —and only to do so. Just for the staunch fellows: that means hippies have sex like humans, and you may be more like a dog  in your mating ritual. It’s funny how science works like that.

#5 You may be overprotective and jealous of your children for no reason.

In the olden days, people raised their children together. That tradition continued in a few indigenous groups as Europe and other  ”civilized” places were deciding the appropriate way to claim ownership of everything. So, in these places, they were all like free-range chicken. They mated as they pleased and loved each other. It sounds beautiful. I love human culture like that —I should have been an anthropologist. Anyway, there would be dozens of men and women caring for these children. That means not just two or one parent, but a whole village. That relieves so much stress on the child (in case you were curious about the kid’s well-being) because he/she doesn’t have to worry about who will love him/her. If one feels a stronger attachment to a woman that happens to not be the birth mother, the people are chill to let the kid attach and bond. Guilt-free. Is that fathomable in countries like the U.S. where capitalism rules and ownership attaches to that? Probably not. But is doable with male and female mentors and things like that. Kids don’t need to think, “If I mess up then these people won’t love me and I have no one else.” That is way too much pressure (looking at you China and Japan).

#6 About the Boob.

Breastfeeding is not weird. It is not really a sexual thing. That being said, it also shouldn’t be continued until a child is 6. That is beyond appropriate, and I just mean nutritionally. Unless, the mother is doing a study on how to create Oedipal Complexes. Seriously, though. Breastfeeding stigma needs to go away, especially the sensationalizing of the breast in that capacity. That is like looking sexually at a spoon while someone is eating cereal. It’s just odd. Another note, stop forcing your children into solid foods so early. Ask your pediatrician and they will tell you when for sure —a biologist and an archaeologist can say the same thing. It’s around the 2 year mark.** It’s crazy how humans haven’t changed that much, but anyway. Anything up to 2 is fine, but after that is weird and unnecessary.

*open relationship - used in the context that both people are open in communication with each other about decisions, thoughts, and feelings as well as actions they wish to take; this is opposed to the secret/mystery in a relationship, where people feel the need to hide how they feel or their attraction to other people because they feel guilty

**2 years on the breast milk - I am not a doctor and I won’t tell you what to give your children as a supplement to their liquid diet. This is just where history, science, and your body are just going to have to disagree with your personal feeling about your boobs and your baby.

I Too Am Woman

"… in the beginning we were all men, and then some fiend castrated half of us and gave us a ghastly internal bookie’s bag called a womb. We were thereafter afflicted with a monthly inconvenience called menstruation and could no longer fornicate at will without that bookie’s bag filling itself with a messy nuisance called a baby. This was the rottenest trick ever played on woman and he ought not be allowed to get away with it." —Thelma Forshaw, The Age.

This Genesis-esque assumption aside, it’s a little harsh on Greer’s The Female Eunuch. Now, modern science would tell you very openly that we all begin, of course, as female. I’m not going to be supremacist about that because there really is nothing to be supremacist about that. One might think of the inversion of this statement, though. That would be more accurate, right?

In case you were wondering: a bookie bag.

In the beginning we were all women, and then some fiend added strange parts to half of us and gave us a ghastly external wobbly bits called the penis (and testicles/scrotum). We were thereafter afflicted with a fertile inconvenience and could no longer fornicate at will without that filling those “bookie’s bags” with a messy nuisance called a baby. This was the rottenest trick ever played on man and he ought not be allowed to get away with it.

Oh, Blanche, you minx!

I’m not really on the man’s side here, but it is great to be a woman some days. Especially when it’s hot outside. It’s great to have all of my bits organized and self-cleaning (monthly). It’s a bit morbid to constantly have genitals just there … on the outside. I can’t even fathom that. Again, not supremacist. Every time someone mocks feminism or feminist theory, I think to myself: “What do they know? They don’t even have the right parts —and the ones that do never even notice they (the parts, I mean) exist.”

Well, I guess I’m part of the other half. Oh, cruel fate.

For however odd Greer could be, she certainly had one thing very correct: taking charge of our own bodies. A woman should never be ashamed of her body. Ever. I mean ever. Men shouldn’t be allowed to make us feel that way —or other women or our mothers. We should certainly never make sisters and daughters feel that way. Take charge of yourself —all of yourself. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. No man can tell you how to live or make you live that way. No woman can either. Society will evolve to the times, but your willingness to not hate yourself will never change until you feel like you no longer need shame.

This looks like a job for … WONDER WOMAN (in a skirt —shazam!)!

You’re not fat. You’re hair isn’t too kinky. Your complexion looks fine. You don’t have to put on makeup unless you just enjoy doing it. You don’t have to paint your nails either. Why? Because you are a woman. You are fierce independent woman in charge of your body, your mind, and even your sexuality. You have no reason to feel guilty about any of those things.

Every time I speak in public.

A rewording of a personal favorite Langston Hughes poem:


I, too, sing America.


I am the little sister.

They set me at the table to starve 

When company comes,

But I’ll weigh,

And shame myself,

And feel hunger.


I’ll be at the table

When company comes.

Nobody’ll dare

Say to me,

"Eat like a lady,”



They’ll see how beautiful I am

And be ashamed—

I, too, am America.

Feel no shame. Think to yourself, “What would Zora Neale Hurston do” if you feel yourself losing nerve.

The Uterin Debate

The question that will be on everyone’s mind in the next few days is: should abortion be legalized/banned? I’m sure everyone has an opinion and if you don’t have one formed, then now would be a good time to get one. I just want to attempt to help people see a little light into pro-choice that isn’t as awful as everyone believes.

1. Pro-choice is not anti-life.

Pro-choice really doesn’t have a hidden agenda on that name. It is about the right to choose what someone wants to do with their body. There might be pro-choice wisdom teeth people out there (like myself). That doesn’t sound like I want to destroy anything. It sounds like I want the information to decide and choose on my own with my own discretion on something that concerns my body. In this case, it means the knowledge that not everyone has to have wisdom teeth removed and doing it for the wrong reasons can be harmful to your mouth. That’s actually a pretty good parallel for what the argument is doing for women’s bodies.

2. Pro-life is (hopefully) not anti-choice.

If you’re all about the preservation of human life, then power to that. One would hope that your feelings shouldn’t be forced on others, though. That is correct. I said that you can have an opinion without forcing it on others. I understand that can be hard to accept. There are people out there who are pro-life and they think that a woman has the right to choose, but hope she would choose to save a life. I feel like pro-lifers get just as bad of a reputation as pro-choicers because they have trouble expressing themselves. Let me assure you that picketing is really not the way to go.

3. Protesting at clinics makes you look bad.

Seriously. This would be like me protesting braces outside of an orthodontist’s office. Saying no there is helping no one. Don’t run to Juno, either. That never happens. What does happen is harassment of employees and unnecessary rudeness toward other humans because of irresponsibility. I saw two older ladies outside of a clinic last week and my first thought was nothing like, “You go girls. Tell them to save those babies.” I was thinking, “There is no one in the office anyway, why are they bothering the people who need those jobs?” Make pamphlets and put them somewhere. Ask to counsel youths or women in need, but let me assure you that protesting in the lazy way out.

4. Supporting early life means supporting whole life.

Many pro-choice people point this out and it is ignored. If you support the fetus and force the mother to birth even when she physically can’t handle a child, you’re dooming the baby. Options include an overcrowded social service system or being raised by someone who already knew they couldn’t handle the child. Another logic hole: people who are pro-life and support the death penalty of criminals. You don’t get to turn that on and off. That really isn’t how principles work. People shouldn’t hit an age when the pro-life people should stop caring (2 seconds of life as it happens). Hold to something. I assure you, I firmly believe it when I say that everyone has the right to choose —even if some people are just not deserving of a choice. (Seriously, stop attaching metal to your teeth for aesthetic pleasure. 9/10 times the teeth are fine when you start.)

Why I’m writing this:

This has everything and nothing to do with that doctor who was trying to relive moments from American Horror Story by chopping up babies. Note that the news people are calling these instances abortions. The correct term is infanticide. That means murder. It is a small, but significant difference because of the way the story is being used. He was supposedly aborting babies that were already “alive” (born). Once something is born, it is pretty impossible to “abort” it in the sense that they mean it. He murdered them as infants: infanticide. That poor definition along with news coverage could be just the propaganda needed to destroy any hope for the pro-choice side because pro-life sees pro-choice as pro-death.

Poltergeists of Facebook

It is almost spring and, of course, the season of bad ideas. Please, do not make the same mistakes of those who came before you. It never fails to amaze me what people will put on facebook… So, here it goes.

5. Advertisements for pets that need homes. Skip the shelter crowd by just sharing the pictures of the saddest and cutest dogs/cats on your own timeline. Yes, because nothing makes your conservative friends who hate PETA happier than looking at sad animals —that’s what furries are for. We get enough of that on 4chan, so keep it off of facebook.

I always picture the beginning of “Lovefool” when I see things like this —but this one was thrown out for being too fluffy and adorable, we have to take him home.

4. Pictures of terrifying foods that people make. Seriously, I saw a nacho “creature” that may give others nightmares. One can only think, “were they high while they were cooking and uploading?” Seriously, never cook and upload. Don’t misunderstand. I love the Cheesecake Factory page and “I Love Chocolate Cake” (best page ever), but these are pages that actually associate with real cooks/bakers. Facebook is not the place to frighten others with your Spam projects. Some of us like to play Songpop before dinner and it gets really difficult with things like that.

What is this… I don’t even?

3. Tanning and just weird tan lines. Yes, the guy’s foot with the Croc tan spots is funny, but he deserved that and we all know it. Everyone else really has no need for putting things like that into the main vein of people’s photographic memories. It’s called a brain tattoo. While some people find skin cancer hilarious (Snook-Snook), the rest of us are looking at your bizarrely red-burnt skin thinking about how much aloe you had to rub on it to feel better. I imagine all of the Spring Break girls like this look like fried chicken a week later —while trying to figure out how much water to drink, so they don’t actually die from sun poisoning.

Totally deserved it.

2. Photos of your children. I’m going to add something to this. You put photos of your kids on facebook and tag this 10 year old —who also has a facebook. Stop it. This is not COD, 10 year olds aren’t welcome. Seriously, the minimum aged teens aren’t even really welcome. There is no good way to put photos of your kids on facebook —don’t tell me there is. How do kidnappers figure out which one is yours (facebook)? Even as adults, parents putting up kiddy pics is not good. Who is that helping? You have to scan them on and they just are not cute. The moral of this story is emailing and private albums because no one wants to see children doing wacky things —that’s why youtube exists.

He’s bound for great things.

1. Sonogram or 3D images of your unborn child. This is not technically a picture, but they certainly have that creepy poltergeist feel to them. No one wants to look 10,000 Leagues Under the Sea. They will see the baby when it gets out —as for the rest of this, there should be some mystery of birth. Nothing looks cute when covered in gooey placenta ick. That’s what you’re looking at in those pictures by the way. Some things certainly are private and that is one of them. I could go on about how weird it having this creepy black and white of your child on facebook that looks like the underwater pictures from a 1980s war movie or how freaky, freaky POLTERGESTY it is, but I’ll stop. Besides, they might reach out of the screen like that creepy American Horror Story baby.


Even the Rubber Man doesn’t want your child.

Maths Feels

Why do maths seem so hard these days? She hasn’t changed. The “maths” that I’m talking about are the plural maths in the world. Plenty of people know what I’m talking about. I mean, sure it’s a “unified” field, but really there are tons of tentacles of this monster. I mean “monster” with love and affection. I happen to be one of the lucky ones; she has squeezed me with her warm tentacle with love. Other people are not so lucky, but is that their fault?

Is it how we are learning now? I may be a rare bird these days (for people my age) to have learned standard, harder methods. I came to math and wanted to learn more. I willingly took Calculus in high school even though I didn’t need it to graduate. Doing something you don’t have to because you care about it —that might be considered love. So, I’m a little hurt when other people don’t appreciate the complex beauty of  math. She’s a beautiful creature that takes time too appreciate and understand.

Our lax approach to mathematics is frightening and growing. There is a growing movement to get rid of math, but it’s undercover. There are intelligent people who are pushing for this and it just crushes me. I had my first brush with this when one of my friend’s grandchildren was trying to do math homework and it didn’t make sense. Why? The homework said something about confusing rounding, which turned out to be another method of standard multiplication. It’s called “reform math” and it makes no sense.

Here is one example of the counter-revolution of the math growth:

It was terrible. Then, there are these other methods that take away the joy of learning. It is expressed by this somewhat disgruntled parent (who actually leaves off one prominent method shown by drawing lines):

There is no real way to connect this to a person… If you have to ask why math is useful, then you’re not doing it right. My math professor said  that even he gets the  ”Why is this useful?” and that has to be so hurtful to someone who likes it. I mean, if “99% of people don’t use it” in their daily lives, then they must not understand what’s going on. If you’re an athlete and you work out everyday, you probably do push-ups. How many athletes do push-ups mid-game? That’s (probably) none. That is what math is. Math is about reasoning and thinking through things. That’s what it is teaching you. It isn’t showing you how to use sine or cosine; it’s about critical thinking and reasoning. That applies to everyone. Thinking applies to every single person on the planet.